One of the hardest conversations I’ve had was with a mom named Jenna.
“I feel like I’m the only one trying,” she said. “I cook the meals, limit the sugar, set the boundaries… and then my husband comes home with donuts and lets our daughter eat them in bed.”
Jenna wasn’t angry — she was exhausted. And she wasn’t alone.
Her 8-year-old daughter, Talia, was struggling with her weight.
Jenna was doing everything she could to build healthier routines. But every time they gained momentum, something unraveled it — a sugar-loaded weekend with Grandma, a pizza binge night at Dad’s house, or a “just one treat” moment from her well-meaning partner.“
I end up being the bad guy,” Jenna said. “And our daughter’s caught in the middle.”
Whether it’s your spouse, your ex, a grandparent, or a sitter — inconsistent food rules can seriously derail progress.
And over time, that inconsistency doesn’t just lead to power struggles — it can lead to emotional eating, sneaking food, and weight gain.
🧠 Why Inconsistent Messages Around Food Lead to Overeating and Weight Struggles
1. Kids don’t know what’s “normal.”
When one adult says “no snacks before dinner,” and another says “a little treat is fine,” your child is left confused about the rules.
That confusion makes it hard to build habits — and leads to more:
✔ Whining or bargaining
✔ Sneaky behavior (like hiding food)
✔ Emotional distress, especially around weight and body image
Jenna told me Talia started sneaking snacks into her room, not because she was being sneaky — but because she genuinely didn’t know what was okay anymore.
2. Kids naturally follow the easiest path.
If one house or caregiver offers veggies, and another offers pizza… they’ll choose pizza.
Not out of defiance — but because the brain is wired to seek comfort and reward.
That means if one adult always gives in, healthy routines lose traction fast — and over time, that adds up to more cravings, more snacking, and more weight gain.
3. Food becomes emotionally charged.
Inconsistent parenting doesn’t just affect what kids eat — it affects how they feel about food, and themselves.
When food is tied to:
✔ Guilt (“I shouldn’t have eaten that…”)
✔ Rebellion (“I’ll eat it at Dad’s anyway…”)
✔ Approval (“Grandma gives me cookies because she loves me”)
…kids stop eating based on hunger — and start eating based on emotion.
4. Split households and grandparents often make things harder — without meaning to.
Many kids go back and forth between homes, or spend time with grandparents who mean well — but don’t follow the same routines.
Jenna told me, “When Talia visits her grandma, it’s cookies and chips all day. Then I’m the one who has to say no when she gets home.”
You don’t have to control everyone. But if everyone is doing something different, your child’s brain stays stuck in chaos — and their body pays the price.
✅ How to Create Consistency (Even If You Parent Differently)
You don’t need perfect agreement with every caregiver.
You just need a few shared values, simple boundaries, and neutral tools to help your child feel safe, clear, and cared for.
Here’s what helped Jenna’s family — and what can help yours too:
1. Agree on your “why.”
Sit down with your partner, ex, or co-parent (if possible) and ask:
“What do we want our child to believe about their body and their health?”
Jenna and her husband said:
✔ “That she’s strong and capable”
✔ “That food should help her feel good”
✔ “That health is about care, not control”
From there, they chose a few non-negotiables — like no eating in bed, one treat per day, and eating dinner without screens.
2. Choose one habit to model together.
Even if you disagree on everything else, pick just one thing you’ll both do consistently.
Try:
💧 Choosing water over soda
🥗 Sitting at the table for meals
🛒 Packing real-food snacks
🚫 Not using food as a reward
Even one aligned action sends a strong, clear message — and helps your child feel more secure.
3. Use neutral language when things slip.
If your co-parent or a grandparent gives in, avoid blame. Instead, try:
“We’ve been working on eating less sugar — how do you feel when you eat it every day?”
Or: “That’s okay. Let’s get back to our rhythm tomorrow.”
This keeps the focus on learning, not guilt — and models emotional safety.
4. Create a simple “family food agreement.”
Not a contract — just a visual reminder of shared food values. You can even co-create it with your child.
Examples:
✔ “We eat meals at the table”
✔ “We listen to our bodies when we eat”
✔ “We move every day to feel strong”
✔ “We enjoy treats, but we don’t need them all the time”
Jenna’s family put theirs on the fridge. For the first time, Talia felt like everyone was on the same team.
💡 Food Habits Don’t Need Perfection — They Need Predictability
If you’re the “strict one”...
If your child flips between two households with totally different rules…
If your in-laws show love with sugar, or your co-parent thinks “healthy eating is too extreme”...
You are not alone.
And you are not wrong for wanting consistency.
Because kids feel safest when the rules are clear — and their bodies thrive when those rules are steady.
We still slip sometimes,” Jenna told me. “But now we recover faster. Talia feels supported instead of caught in the middle. And I finally feel like I’m not doing it alone.”
If you’re stuck in a cycle of tension, confusion, or food battles — I can help.
Together, we’ll build a clear, realistic plan for your unique family dynamic — whether you’re co-parenting, working with grandparents, or just trying to get your partner on board.
No judgment. Just support — for the parent trying their best to hold it all together.
Let’s get your whole family pulling in the same direction.
With love,
Kamy Moussavi
Nutritional Therapist
Founder of Step Together
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